Tuesday, June 12, 2007 | 2:51 AM | 0 Comments


I’ve decided to change in life.. to be wad I wan, to achieve wad I always wanted, to do wad I wan, to eat wadeva I wan.. I wanna die achieving everyting I wanted.

I learnt a very beautiful lesson frm the guy I love. His 1st love is Music. Den comes me. den the others. He wld give his life to Music but not to me.

He told me bluntly on my face. I’d even give u up, but not music. So wad if I love u? love doesn’t applies to one. I hv love on u, but my love for music is more. but I didn’t say I didn’t love u.
Obviously, tt made me heartbroken n I felt like crying. Before tt he stopped my tears. And said many things tt made me think. Who am I living for? The one I love? Why shld love be towards one n restrict myself.

Prabz told me tis too. Why do I restrict myself? Aft awhile I realized tt theres many other times other den love.

My Prince told me.. love is smth human create themselves n restrict every other ting. they make love as their main priority. Saying things like, ‘I’ll die for u , I cant eat slp or wadeva cos im tinking abt u often, im always crying for u, I’ll jump down if u ask me to’ is all bullshit. Smth human create demselves..

Well isn’t it true? Im not against love. But it make sense.. he told me to not listen to my heart but control my heart. Tell heart wad to tink n hw to tink. He learnt all these frm his guru in India, ‘dun let anyting prevent u frm achieving ur goals’ if it did, u can get wad u want. True isn’t it.. so now hes aiming n studying really hard for music. He wans to be a great musician in future. Hes learning musics frm the top music directors in India. Im proud of him. he used to frown n be sad tt he cant make his desires come true. But now, hes on his way to popularity.

I asked, ‘wad abt me den? u told me wad u gonna do in 5 yrs.. wad will will to me den?’ he said I’ll be always there.. n I was always been there. As a well wisher, one who nv gets angry, one who accept me for who I am, one brought me up frm my downs, one who will be behind me weneva I take a step ahead, one who’ll kill me wit her smiles, one who will be till the end..

Looks like im praising myself but tis is wad he said… I nv got angry wit him b4. I accepted him in whole. Made him change some bad habits. He turned into a calm, matured, capable & pious fella frm flirt, bad tempered, childish, irritating fella.. Great achievement by Nazirah. Hehe
Frm day 1 till now, I always tell him, his happiness is my happiness. N till now, he doesn’t wan to tell me his worries cos he doesn’t wan to see me worrying. EGO!

Den, all his aasai his wish became mine.. I aint his wife.. im still young.. I still got aasai n everything.. but all disappeared aft I met him. maybe I had too much love for him? Maybe.
He made me realize love isn’t everyting. So I made up my mind to do wad I was created to do.

My 1st love…. To be a lawyer. Be a top lawyer in sg. But tt desire was forced to be erased off my head wen I was young. As according to parents : Lawyers will lie a lot. K FINE!

2nd love…. Teacher. Grad frm poly with gd grades. Try to apply in NTU. If cant go to NIE. Do a Deg thru there. Get into some school. Save n use salary n bonus properly. Teach tuition as part
time at home.

My 2nd love is still there, as im still teaching tuition. Prince desires, made me tink tt I wanna wrk like him. He was in the same diploma course as me. We both electricians. Love currents.. wiring n everyting. He wrks as one now. So I made myself tink tt I shld be a electrician like him. why? So tt he’ll be happy.. not a ting tt I like.. electrician.. some of u all there noe hw much I hate wen I got into Electrical Engineering. I began to like tt course cos of my classmates n my Prince. Prince was there weneva I need coaching. As hes my senior. Everytime I do, go , sit, slp or wadever, I tink abt Prince. Will he like it if I do like tis.. go here n there.. with him n her.. see I link everyting to Prince. But he doesn’t. all I tink abt is him n if he likes wad im doing. Its not like whether I WANNA DO IT. I LIKE IT OR NOT. Its all him.

He drilled some lessons into my head. Tis is the reason why I like older guys den some guys in my age grp. They’ll pick u up wen u fall, teach u, advise u, tk care of u..

So , made up my mind tt, im gonna get wadever I wan. If anyting comes in my way, I’ll jus throw u away. Tis is wad I told Prince. If I wan tings to be done, I can make it happen. N even if u’re in my way, I’d hv thrown u away n carry on wit my life. Tts me. if I wan means I wan. Dowan means dowan. Im sorry tt I said tt I’d thrown u away. Tts wad u wanted wad, to do wad I desire. n now u’re blocking my way… I noe hw u’d felt. sorry.. cos I tot of YOU saying tt wen I was strongly against music cos it’s a sin. U can simply throw me away since im preventing u. but u didn’t.. u wanted me to be there.. im sorry k?

So anyway, im gonna do it in Prince way..
im gonna do my very best in poly & I need the help of my classmates.
I wanna grad wit good grades.
I wanna enjoy in life in a proper way.
I wanna get a degree.
I wanna achieve well.
I wan my family, Prince & friends to be proud of me.
I wanna get a license. I wanna drive my parents all over the world..
I wanna be there for Prince.
I wanna be a gd gf.
I dun wanna tok abt marriage now. Not before I get my deg. Parents are not against me! wee!
I wanna go shopping!
Enjoy myself with friends

Meanwhile, I’ll still talk & meet Prince, like how we do now. No changes in tt. But I’ll nv disturb u till u get wad u always wanted to be, a Music Director. I’ll always be there for u darling. Like wise, I wan u to be there. All the while, I’ve been tinking n yearning for u. it’ll be kinda difficult for me to change to like tis. But I’ll.. for myself, & for urself. =)

To those in love out there, dun be so engrossed in love. Loves always there. But dun 4get the goals u wanna achieve. =)


Frm now on, u wont see the love addicted Nazirah.. :)
My reason for being one was, the reason why I fall in love with my 1st love.
If I didn’t, all these heart pains wld hv nv occurred. But why tok abt tings tt cant be corrected? So now im trying to correct myself in life with wadeva I can. Im 19 & im still young.


all i'll do is, i'll restrict myself... though we're bf & gf, NOW we noe out limits cos we noe wad we wan in life. To tell u the truth, i love u more NOW den before..












♥ TrappedButterfly