i re-read all the entries written in the past and i ask myself what went wrong? when everything seemed to fall in its place.

it’s time to just let go. i’m tired of pleasing people. i’m tired of hoping. i don’t have enough hope to keep my hope alive.

each time, you come gushing back into my mind. i tell myself it’s no point cause he’s out there, moving on. why do i still linger around nothing? then i realize, everything happened within a few blinks, too sudden, too soon. i haven’t been able to pick the pieces yet because i’m still waiting over nothing. my almost-nothing-hope. because my love hasn’t vanished the way it vanished for him. i wish it would vanish in a second. then maybe i wouldn’t remember how it’ll be like to be with him.

it’s easier to say, stop brooding. move on. if i could, i will. i will - happily. i don’t want to be the foolish one. i’m trying hard to let go. i will.

after all this writing, all this little determination. when i wake up in the morning, the cycle will repeat itself - more tears, more thoughts, more frustration, more waiting.